minor melt-down

So, about last night...

The stress of the weekend eating was getting to me. I had a bit of a melt down, in front of hubby, and I was crying and hating myself, and he was trying to make me feel better, clueless what to do about it all. (He knows about my ED, and is helpful as much as he can be--although he doesn't understand most of the time.)

But here's the thing: I was trying to pretend to be 'normal' with food for everyone, while at the same time trying to balance my own issues with needing to lose weight. And with the gym closed for the weekend, and the weather cold, I had no way to compensate for the food I was having to eat.

And to make matters worse, today is the 1 year anniversary of my planned date for suicide (which I didn't go through with, obviously).

So I ended up being dehydrated after yesterday's being off-schedule with my water intake, and I ate salty stuff, double-dosed on lax, had to sit in church this a.m. and ride in a car for 2 hours with the results of the laxing...

The good news: Today, we bought an elliptical machine for me to use at home, the next time I 'need' to deal with stuff. Hubby is the greatest!!!!! He's putting it together right now! :)

Tomorrow, I can start all over, and hopefully recover some of what I've lost in my progress on the SBC. Fasting is definitely going to be a part of it, although I'm not sure the details on that plan yet.