The best link ever!

http://www.nutritiondata.com/

Seriously...you have absolutely GOT to check this one out. It has everything!

Sodium answer

In answer to a question I received (thank you for reading, BTW!), I believe you are supposed to have about 1 mg. sodium per calorie that you take in.

So for instance, if your normal maintenance calorie level were 1500 calories per day, you would then try to stay at or under about 1500 mg. of sodium.

I've not pursued my studies on it beyond web research, so this is definitely not equivalent in any way to a Dr.'s advice!!!

Obviously, if you eat enormous amounts of food, you wouldn't want to have that high of sodium intake. Similarly, I wouldn't have a clue as to what they would suggest to a calorie-restricted diet of below normal recommendations.

But getting enough sodium isn't usually the problem...

still tweaking

Basically the same idea, but I am tweaking my 'diet' plan. Just me, playing with the numbers...a favorite hobby.

I decided to do this, because I ran into a minor kink today, and am trying to avoid situational sabotage in the future. All is well, today, though!!! I rolled with the punches!

The rotation thing, the days off thing, and such--may be changed a bit...but the foundational numbers I have started with guide me beautifully.

upset the basket case!

Yesterday at the gym, I was planning to do a weight-lifting day. Had done a few sets, then an opportunity arose to have someone alongside for Saturday a.m. (leaving to meet her in a few minutes). So I ditched the plan yesterday for an awesome opportunity to learn a lot of great exercises, techniques, and proper form.

So, instead of finishing my weights workout, I got on the treadmill and pushed for a quickie run (I did walking rests too) at 5% incline, 1 mile. Not too much though, so that I'm not sore for Saturday!!!

Supper with hubby instead of the protein shake...and my calories were higher. Add to that a funny mistake which involved me finishing the day with 60+ grams fiber...can't wait for my BM today, hahaha!

Breakfast today was my protein shake, sipped throughout the morning.

Weight is 144.2 (thanks to the fiber overload, I'm sure).

I'm off to the gym!!!

143 lbs.

Adding info on my latest plan...
I am doing a calorie rotation...(much like the famous 2-4-6-8 diet).
My rotation will average 7000 calories per 6-days with 1 day 'off'. 500 (liquid fast), 900, 1100, 1300, 1500, 1700, randomly as needed. This is for a planned (and carefully calculated) 1.2 lbs. per week loss, with my workouts considered. It doesn't seem like much (or nearly fast enough), but it is imperative that I stick with something; and I seem too weak lately to pull off intense caloric restriction. I've got to reach 100 lbs. (or less), and this will put me there sometime before year's end, yet allowing for Sundays off as well as holidays and family situations, etc.

Darn it all, but I'm doing a 'sensible diet'!!! Oh well...as long as it works gets me where I'm going eventually...however dreadfully slow it seems! I have given up my quickie-plans. So sad. Maybe I'll do intermittent acceleration here and there for a boost? We'll see how things play out.

Friday's lunch...a Subway sandwich with double meat to make up for yesterday's low protein. 1000 mg. of sodium in the meat alone!!!! Add 1/2 bag Sunchips, the flatbread (not a good choice fiber-wise) and the giant diet tea... 3237 mg. sodium for the day already. Keeping track has definitely been an eye opener, as I've never counted sodium before in my life!

Yesterday was my 1500 calorie day.

Today is a planned 1100 calorie day. Lunch was late; a couple hours for it to settle, then a workout (weight lifting mostly today), and a protein shake tonight...

Then there's tomorrow, followed by my 'off' day! No plans yet, as to my weekend's activities or foods.

Reality? Disordered.

Once again, I come to the inevitable conclusion...that I am eating disordered, in spite of my attempts of being un-disordered. It is a life-time struggle. I find myself almost believing that I can come out of it, only to be pulled back into a different reality. I wonder if it is an illness that cannot be cured? ...however, I do believe that one can at least overcome certain unhealthy aspects of it...which I am trying to do. Or at least I think I am trying.

After the wake-up check on the scale, I have admitted to myself, that to ease up on my strategy will not produce weight loss. I am happy however to note, that after the 20 lbs. lost during Dec., Jan., etc. that I have essentially maintained the loss successfully!!! That, by itself is a big miracle!

I guess, what I'm seeing, is that for whatever reason, I lose when I'm really buckling down, and although I don't always enjoy that process, it is unfortunately necessary to be serious, and intentional. In my desire to not be eating-disordered, I find myself avoiding 'weight loss tactics', but inevitably gaining or not losing, which MUST be done, as I need to get down to at least 100 lbs. The fact is, as I am forced to accept, that I don't know how to properly not be disordered. I lack the skills, I suppose.

Compared to the end of February, I am much more calm and collected. March has been a huge learning month, and I have made many gains in putting on a more healthy mindset, especially when it comes to the workout dept.!!! Not to mention that I have put on muscle and lost fat (although the scale remained the same). I do love having a bit more muscle--especially knowing that my metabolism is improved!!!

So, I've had 2 months of nice weight loss, followed by a month of OCD frenzy and craziness, followed by a month of avoiding the scale, yet pursuing health. Time to buckle down, as long as I don't get carried away again, and risk my health.

Here are some of my 'Food Rules':

Eating plenty of veggies, fruits, fiber-filled carbs, and getting enough lean protein.
Drinking (hopefully) 1 gallon of water per day.
Taking vitamins daily.
I am not going to buy the altered diet-versions of foods so that I can 'eat more'.
I am taking Sundays 'off' with no 'restrictions'...moderation and common sense apply, though!!!
As much as I think I don't want to do it, the bottom line is always calories in/calories out, so...
I am keeping a food diary...tracking calories, carbs, proteins, fat grams, and sodium.
I will rate hunger and fullness levels, trying to learn how to 'listen to my body'.
No lax, unless used for the proper purposes... not to simply empty my gut for conscience sake.

Workout Rules:
No workouts for any muscle group that is sore from a previous workout.
Counting miles as I accumulate them, rather than calories (although I still know the calories, lol).
Cross training...no two days in a row with the same exercise.
Lifting weights to build muscle.
Stretching daily, 30 minutes total as a minimum.
Continuing my effort to build up to a solid 5-mile running distance...for my race.
Do my best--which doesn't mean maxing out at 100%; but a well-rounded effort, safely improving, rather than exhausting my body beyond it's ability to bounce-back quickly.

For what it's worth...144.2

I weighed 144.2 lbs. this morning. Blech.

I've allowed the scale back into my life...I think.

Here's what I've been up to, regarding food intake: Trying to wait until I'm hungry before eating, and stopping when I'm comfortably satisfied. I'm using a hunger/fullness scale, and writing it down throughout the day. Tummy growling is considered a perfect 10. Comfortably full is a 1 (worst), satisfied is at a 5, and empty is 10. Still working on the best way to add it up with a % system (that's me, playing with numbers, as usual). I have avoided calorie counting and measuring like the plague, however--feels way to over the top OCD for me right now. I was going for a more laid-back method.

I haven't been perfect...cheating has happened here and there. Thus, the lack of weight loss, no doubt.

So...today: I'm on duty at the gym, and only walking on the treadmill. My abs are seriously sore from 2 days ago. I did a fitness test of run/walk intervals yesterday for 3.8 miles yesterday, and am waiting to see how I feel over the weekend. My quads feel a bit stiff, maybe a touch sore--but that usually is just the beginning. So definitely...not a 'real' workout today. Rest day. Oh well.

Wow...hunger/fullness, and doing test workouts for soreness. A serious first for me: that of listening to my body. Will wonders never cease?!??!

scale.

I'm thinking I want to get back to the scale a bit...if it doesn't get out of hand again. I got on the one at the gym today... not an accurate measurement, because it was mid-day with clothes. I don't think I've lost any weight, but I must have put on some muscle and lost fat--because of those pants that fit when I put them on today. At least there has been an improvement of some kind.

Update, etc.

This week was super busy...from going out of town for my Grandma's funeral, and returning home mid-week and playing catch-up.

Yesterday, I was surprised when someone gave me a drum set!!!! It needs a little TLC, but with a bit of care, it will be better than the one I play in the band! Now I can practice, without having to leave home!!! I also brought my electric guitar amp home (finally)...so maybe I'll get back to practicing that thing, too! (I had wrist surgery-- screws and a metal plate put in...Aug. '08...) I feel bad for letting it go so long!!! I've only played guitar on 1 or 2 weeks in the band since then.

I still have managed to avoid the temptation of getting on a scale...almost 3 weeks now?!!?? I thought I must surely be gaining weight,--I definitely feel much fatter-- but this morning, I put on some workout pants that were tight in Feb., and they fit!!!

On the overtraining issues...continued...

I worked out with a personal trainer-in-training yesterday. I've been tracking my workouts and also how it feels afterwards. This feels like such a set-back, but I know it is better in the long run. I need to focus on being healthy, rather than obsessing over the scale.

To answer R Harlow B's question...historically, maybe up to 5 hours per day. Recently, it seemed to be 2-3 hours per day-ish, at what I considered to be about 75% of my max intensity level, mostly all cardio, without enough 'real' muscle training to support it. (Weight training up to that point was 25-rep sets in low, low weight settings--maybe 6 sets per day.) I tried to do 6 days per week, but average was probably 5. Some days were 2 workouts, though...so maybe 7-8 workouts per week or so???

I had spent 6 months starving (very little food, sometimes days without any food whatsoever) my body to underweight and lax abuse, followed by about 18 months of fattening it up with JUNK, with nearly no exercise whatsoever, followed by 2 or 3 months of 'starving' again (about 300-500 calories per day), for a quickie 20 lb. weight loss. Add to that the gradually-building obsessive-compulsive 2-3 hour cardio workouts to a body in need of nutrition and weight training--and trying to all of a sudden run 'distance'...without proper nourishment, etc...

There are a lot of factors that come into play as to how much working out a body can take. It varies greatly from person to person, and situation to situation. If you take care of your body, you can do long, hard workouts without compromising quality. Under 'normal' circumstances, I could always do several hours per day, without much soreness. It was during the month of Feb. that I obviously began 'hitting a wall', physically--and had I not been trying to train for a race, or started this blog, I would never have noticed the combination of factors taking place.

February was not a good month, in so many ways. I was 'binging' (probably my body's way of telling me it was depleted and struggling), with virtually no weight loss, and no noticeable fitness gains, although I was trying to increase my running distances.

So...I hope that answers your question.

overtraining

A new concept has come to my attention: Overtraining.

It happened this last week, when I had scheduled a 'long' run outdoors to happen on Wednesday. So Monday and Tuesday, the weather being cooler, I was doing my regular workout situation at the gym--thinking that I was 'taking it easy' in preparation for my Wednesday run.

I've never actually trained for any sporting event before in my life, so the upcoming race on June 6th and the preparation involved have me feeling very inadequate and overwhelmed. I'm finding that after all these years of working out, I know very little. Especially when it comes to how it relates to my eating disorder.

My typical style of working out is to do as much as possible--more is better, right?

WRONG!!!

More does NOT make you in better shape! More (as in too much) causes you to lose muscle, builds up acids in your body, prevents you from sleeping at nights, and decreases your fitness level. I'm just now finding this out. And to add insult, eating too few calories slows down your body's ability to recover.

So, I was too sore when Wednesday came, and there wasn't anything left in me energy-wise to run...I felt heavy, lethargic, tired, and sore-to-the-point-of-jelly. It was embarrassing, to say the least, when my running partners came, excited to see my progress in running. We spent the whole time walking (because I couldn't run for the life of me), while they lectured me on overtraining.

Three days later, although I had more energy, I was still very sore. But being persuaded by my running partner that working out when you are sore is continuing the damage, I abstained.

Wednesday--a week later, I found myself at the gym, chomping at the bit, fully recovered, and ready to go at it! It felt soooooooo good.

Until Thursday. Sore. Jelly-legs. Tired. Can't sleep.
Friday... Still sore.
Saturday (today), sore.
Blech.

I'm spending my workout time today researching the proper way to make gains in fitness. I've done it wrong, all these years. I've worked out all those hours, tearing my body apart --forcing workouts that I had no business trying to do.

But it is different now, because my goals have changed. I've got a race to train for. I can't just workout hours a day, pushing myself for a high. I loved it, but it has got to go. I've got to listen to my body, and feed it proteins, carbs, fats, and nutrients--so that it can heal enough to train. I've got to take rest days, and do lighter workout days, cross training, and lifting weights (gasp!). The opposite of what I was driven to do by my eating disorder. And such a paradigm shift!

This race is turning out to be a good thing for me, I think.

I must have heard it hundreds of times before; but with my obsession, the information didn't make it all the way in to my brain. I refused anything that didn't agree with my eating disordered thinking.

And I'm hating the new ideas now. But it's either give in--or fail my race. Because my body won't do what I want it to do, if I don't take care of it. It is communicating to me, and I'm hearing it...and maybe for the first time in my life.

Goodbye to Grandma

My grandma went to Heaven today, and is now reunited with my grandpa. She was 100 years old. She had 4 sons, and 6 daughters-- all still living; and many, many grandchildren, great-grand children, and great-great-grand children. We will miss her.

I love you, Grandma.

invitation to you

I wanted to let those of you who are trying to stay motivated with your weight loss, to check out my new blog, http://hiddenperfection.blogspot.com/ .

I hope that you will find it to be inspirational. I encourage you to comment with your own ideas of motivation and inspiration.

Doubts and control

Last night, I was reading some of your blogs (I have a bit of catching up to do!!!). Many of you are doing well!!! Congrats!

I'm experiencing some fears and doubts at the moment, as to whether I've lost any weight, or gained in the last few days. I've committed myself to staying away from the scale for a while (it was making me crazy). I need to let go of the obsessive-compulsive weighing and attempting to control everything. But that old familiar voice in my head is telling me that I cannot trust what I'm not controlling; that I cannot possible lose any weight apart from my eating-disordered ways.

This is not an easy argument to win.

I am praying to God for help.

accountability

I called a friend today, and asked her to be my accountability partner. She is someone I can trust to say the hard things when I need to hear them, and will not accept any excuses that I may try to use. I told her I mean business, and she is going to give it to me!

I don't expect to be motivated by her, but she will hold me accountable to actually face the truth, and deal with it. It is still up to me to do the hard work. With each choice I make, I'm going to either become smaller, or bigger, as a result. There is no escaping that truth. No one can do that for me.

And here's that inescapable defender of thinness...my conscience. It tells me more than the scale can, and is much more honest than the scale. The scale lies sometimes, but my conscience always knows if I put something in my mouth that didn't need to go there.

I must not argue with my conscience. No attempts at justification makes me innocent. No amount of exercise deletes the fact that I ate something I didn't need. Removing the evidence does not remove the guilty truth! It only makes it easier to believe I've succeeded at fooling the system. It deceives me into thinking I can do it 'my way', without having to face consequences. It is a false hope to think that I can eat a little extra, and not get fat.

Lies. All lies. One bite does matter. It is the 'innocent' exceptions that sabotage a perfect body.

Listening to my tummy

The journey continues.

I'm waiting until my stomach growls before I eat, but even as I type this, I'm wavering on the issue.

I remember when I did the "Weigh Down Workshop" for weight loss--an approach which teaches that you should wait until your stomach growls before eating (or hunger pangs--whatever your body signals would be).

They taught that many of the various methods of weight loss and rules of what you should or should not eat are simply ways of making the food less damaging weight-wise, allowing you to eat more. The desire to eat more is at the heart of the problem, and needs to be addressed, rather than altering the food.

So, while I could eat 900 calories of raw veggies vs. 900 calories of cookies, the food amount would vary greatly, and it would seem more virtuous to eat the veggies. But it isn't the type of food that is the problem; rather, it is the fact that I'm not listening to my tummy, and living within the restraints that my body gives me. It is the fact that I'm eating for reasons other than living, and that those reasons are an indicator of other issues in my life needing attention--and that I'm using food as a coping method (followed by starving, laxing, exercising, etc. to correct the resulting weight gain, and the whole ED cycle as it takes over.), and trying to be happy in ways that are ultimately harmful.

I want to fix this. I want to address the thoughts and feelings that are bothering me. I want to live free of it all.

Today is another chance to practice doing it the right way.

Hello Everyone!!!

I'm back, and better than ever!

I've made some definite changes to the way I live my life, and I'm happy to say, that results will inevitably follow.

" Action that seems to produce imperceivable results can produce incredible changes when repetitively continued over time."

This quote has become very inspirational to me. It's the small things that count--and you can't always see the results right away!

And sometimes, if the results you are getting aren't the ones you are wanting...then take another look at your behaviors! Results are simply that--results, and it is up to your choices as to what those results are going to be.

I thought it might be fun to log bits of my progress in the blog. My progress as defined by desired-results-producing activities.

Here's the last 2 days:
Monday, March 2

Woke up 8:09 a.m., Bed by 10:00 p.m. (a new discipline for me)

Drank 1/2 gallon water

Tried to eat only when hungry, and stop when satisfied--did pretty good--not used to this yet.

Workout = 30 minutes of stretching, 6 sets of 25-reps each weight lifting, 25 minutes on the stationary bike, 5 minutes on the stair stepper, run 2 miles

Washed 6 loads of laundry, and got 4 of those loads completely folded and put away as well.

approx. 1 1/2 hours various cleaning, etc.

1/2 hour food preparation for hubby



Tuesday, March 3

Woke up 8:15 a.m., Bed by 10:30 p.m.

Water = zero... :(

Workout = 30 minutes stretching, 15 minutes stationary bike, 5 minutes walking with 15% incline, run 1 mile, 6 sets of 25-rep weight lifting

approx. 1 hour house-keeping

Band practice

Food=not a good food day. Taking steps to correct that immediately!!!!! Emotional binge-eating, followed by a time-out to regroup and get back on track. Corrective measures taken.

I'm halfway through Wednesday, but will wait until later to blog the actual results...so far, doing great! I am however, fighting the start of a stye on my eyelid, and trying to see out my blurry contact lens. I better go rinse this thing and clean out my eye.