Sorry everyone. I didn't mean to leave you hanging. Depression hit me hard, but I am not giving up or giving in to it. I am fighting to get back up and to be/stay strong.
I think that a number of things led up to it. Each one alone, I could have handled no problem; but the culmination of them all at once was more than I could get past on my own. I had my suicide-date anniversary on Sunday, a weekend full of family-meals out, some friend problems that really knocked me for a loop, some financial issues as we try to pay bills to finish out the month, and then my own continued food-failures as the new week began.
It is scary how quickly it can hit. I was afraid to ask my ppl for help, because I'm trying to let everyone feel confident in me again. But after so many days, I finally have gotten the courage to admit that I have hit a rock, so now there are people encouraging me. I also want to thank those of you who have commented to me. I've not posted for a couple days, but I came and checked in, and read some of your blogs, too.
Hubby is holding me accountable on the food. With his help, I'm finally waiting until evening to eat something, so I guess officially, this means I am back on fast-5.
I'm gonna play around with some numbers on weight loss (always cheers me up to decide on a 'plan' of action and schedule), and make up a schedule for myself as to daily routine/home maintenance issues as well. I need something in my life to give me purpose, apart from my weight loss craziness. I get tunnel vision about it, which isn't healthy; and if, like this week I lose my grip on the weight loss, then I get to thinking that I am not worth living (not that I'm going to act on those feelings--but I still felt them, all the same).
So, once again...the mind of the eating disordered at work. But while I work toward my body goals, I'm also going to try to maintain a life, and stay happy in the mean time.
I'm scared to weigh in. Just a bit more time...maybe yet today or tomorrow a.m. It won't be a happy moment.
Thank you, readers...for sticking with me. You have cheered me up tremendously!
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3 comments:
Glad you're feeling more like yourself, it seems. You'll be back on track in no time, sometimes life throws you a little off course.
our second weigh in is due tomorrow! eeps. im scared sh*tless.. :/ help. i wish u all the best! just popped by to send in some love!
stay positive babes and take care of yourself, don't give up because you are worth it.
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