142.8

I needed to be at 143.0 today, and I was down from that by .2 ! Yay!

I feel both thin and fat at the same time. Thin, because I've lost 14.5% of my body weight in 2 1/2 months, and it's starting to show; and fat, because I have at a minimum 43 lbs. to lose yet. By the time I'm done, I will have lost about 41% of my body weight, and possibly more. It's embarrassing. I can't believe I let myself get so disgusting.

Well, at least I've learned something--how horrible it is to be a moo-cow; and I'm done with being unfaithful to the love of my life...being tiny. Too bad we can't be together on Valentine's Day. But I'm not good enough yet.

And everywhere I go, I feel like people are looking at me and thinking how fat I am, how fat I was, or criticizing me for losing again, like, "OMG, she's gonna do it again". I have this thing in my head, like they hate me when I'm fat, and they hate me when I'm thin.

But it doesn't matter what they think. It only matters how I feel about it. That's why I've got to do this...it's for me, and no one else. I've got to allow myself to be happy, and this is the only way.